Call this history repeating itself (The significance of history).

When I was young, I used to share bed with my younger sister and she always gave me sleepless nights 😀 because of her turnings, pushings and kicks while asleep. No ado about that really but we'll come around to its significance soonest. So as the normal thing to happen, we were expected to be close considering our sharing a room right but that's where the closeness ended. Our proximity in age and my sensitive nature meant grieves somehow for me🤣🤣🤣. Like when we had misunderstandings, my dad especially used to say, "is she not your younger sister? You should be able to assert your seniority." Or "too bad you ain't able to show her you are older." etc. You should know this meant kind of emotional pain. To cap it up, there's this older somebody again who usually aggravated the situation by always taking her side and always blaming me for any fallout. "You are the elder. Elders are expected to take BS." "She's younger, how is she getting to you like this?"

If I decide to keep from dragging with her when arguments break out, I get "are you not the elder sister. Why are you unable to show her that" from my dad. If I decide to slug it out with her, I get "you are shameless. Dragging with your younger sister this way!" from the other party. So many shitty talks till I couldn't even differentiate 😀😀😀 what I should take from what I shouldn't take any more. Grieves! Grieves!! Grieves!!!

I really don't talk. I don't even know how to express/explain my mind (except through writing now which wasn't an option then). So bottling up my grievances was all I did which you would agree is just a lull before the fated explosion🙄🙄🙄🤣. Been an emotional junkie (well all those ill-advices might actually have increased my emotional instability and probably engendered inferiority complex), it got the best of me and the bubble eventually burst.

For once, the opportunity of exacting my pains from her came which I used satisfyingly. But guess what, I regretted it. I instigated the fight when we were both home alone. I enjoyed it while it lasted. But being the sensitive one, regret eventually set in. That night, I overheard that elderly telling my younger sister how vicious I was in such ugly words. She then advised her to move into her own room.

Ahhh, I was so saddened. Was I such a bad person? Uhn Uhn, I must be evil... I was just beating myself mentally. I was ashamed of myself at how my emotions instead of common sense got the best of me. The following morning, it took me so long to venture out of my room. Like I was hiding face 😀😀😀. I asked God for forgiveness and dumped all grudges against her. Too bad I didn't know yet how to pray and talk to God then. So I was alone and lonely. Most nights, I usually felt like inviting her back to our room but despair and shame wouldn't allow me. Months later, a gigantic fall-out came between them. "You are jealous of my success. You are so disrespectful etc rented the air. Break up had come. You know what, they both wanted my support. But, I just let it lie. Despair ensured that. And as time went on, we moved house. We left that elderly behind. My younger sister had a turn around and became the best sister any can ask/pray for. The way she loved me, spent her money whenever I called; the way I get her shoulder for every of my emotional breakdowns etc. It's not surprising the love spread down to her first daughter.

She had one before every one of us. And this very baby girl grew up under my tutelage. Schooling aside, she's always with me. As expected, just like I did with her mum, I shared bed with her too. And as she's really her mother's daughter, she enacts😀 all her mother's sleeping mannerism. Volatile while asleep is the word. She can separate a pregnant woman and her embryo before the following morning with kicks exactly like her mum. Well, She's so matured and understands feelings without you saying it. She's so young yet, she's someone you can easily discuss matters with. And she really understands and advises you back. She follows orders to the T. No drama whatsoever. You can't help falling in love with her. Too bad, I became so emotionally attached to her (my old self rearing its head again). We're just too close. Our closeness colored the whole environment. This was at our own detriment because it opened door for jealousy and it's attendant ills.

Now, guess what! That very person that came between me and her mum (my younger sister) showed up again. And Viola, I found myself reliving the past. At this juncture, I must tell you how my little baby was lured. You know little children love luxury and the glamor that goes with it. That's it. And my baby became otherwise overnight. Well, that was how I lost my best friend. And it coincided with the time that I just lost confidence in someone that has to do with a matter of the heart... Talk about misfortunes pouring not raining! Or the after-effects of combination therapy 😀😀🤣🤣

I became emotionally broken again. But is it worth it? Is she worth it?? Is he worth it??? Is any mortal love worth the esteemed tears??? Hmmmmm, 😀 My baby would come around (to the house) without saying hi to me! She was even avoiding me. And the past happened again! My emotions ran me out again!!! I couldn't stomach her insolence. So one day, I went out to acost her and in the process, I eventually beat her (the daughter). Later on, "late illuminations," that is regrets set in. I had no reason or authority going that far. I taught her well in manners was my excuse but that didn't excuse the silly behavior on my part.

Then, everything dawned on me. The patient teacher (HISTORY) has visited me again. HISTORY visited me again to show me the danger in giving my emotions the (steering) wheel of my life. HISTORY visited me again because I'm proving a bad learner etc

CALL THIS HISTORY REPEATING ITS LESSON; call it failure on my own part to get the lessons; call it stupidity; or insufficient attention to details or immaturity. Anything! But now I know that if I don't assimilate the rationale behind it's persistence, my fate is sealed I guess😀😀

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RATIONALE:

She, my parents, the elderly, or even the "him" of the-heart-matter🙄🙄🙄😄😄🤣🤣 weren't the problem. The problem was me. I was the problem. I was the one falling into the same misgivings again, and again. Always the soft target🤷🤷.  Groping around emotionally.  Always playing the victim game 😄😄🤣🤣. Always leaving the door open!

Yeah, my waterloo is my emotions- I just have to take charge of it. No one is worth getting emotionally attached to. Nobody's deed is worth emotional reactions. Non is deserving of our heart-breaks; our tears or passion

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.Peace unto the world. My name is "emotional " Desire . I'm a life under construction. Like "word problem," I just got to solve this once and for all. I'm already envisaging HISTORY'S next visit you know...

BLOGGER'S NOTE 

Really, there's non worthy of our highly esteemed tears and the accompanying headaches. And the .... (can I say ridiculous) thing is that the one who deserves our attention and passion most doesn't get it. I mean God.

I've you ever wondered like me how HISTORY really repeats itself? It's real. Exactly how it happened then, it happens again. It now depends on how well we got the lesson it taught us and how prepared we are for its reappearance. And we need grace too. Grace to decipher its history repeating itself and also the grace to manage well the repetition. I guess history repeating itself is nature's way of giving us another chance to re-do or undo past misgivings. Or how do you explain certain situations playing out again exactly like someone pressed the replay button. And in most cases, we usually discover it's history repeating itself only after the damage has been done all over again. I will have to dig more into the significance of history to get fundamental assertions of professionals in this field. That's assignment for another day. However,  It's still baffling, like so much, the vivid connection between the past, the present and the future through the revisitation of past occurrences.

This narration calls more to the parents. Their insensitivity is causing more harm than good. Many calamities can be avoided if they will just pay a little more attention to details at home. Every child can't be the same. Every child is special no doubt. But the developmental pace is different and this sets them apart. This doesn't mean doom for any child. Don't cause divisions and heartbreaks because of their DIFFERENCES. Appreciate each and everyone of them. With love and time, the seemingly weak and/or unfortunate amongst them will take a turn and mostly becomes that diamond in the rough. Don't kill this diamond before its ready to rough it.

It's been a while I came here. So much now to accomplish online :instagram and facebook marketing for my beadworks and the befitting write-ups to go with them. So also are my beadcraftings, and trying to meet up to standard. Thank God, this blogging thing is a passion. Having to do it all by myself takes so much time and energy. So many inspirational and philosophical life experiences  to share but so little time and so much to put together for each narration makes coming here far in between. Good illustrations, befitting quotes, graphic work etc. Well, God is my strength. Thanks so much for the time. AGAPE!

 Photo credit: This philosophy and the illustration neckpiece were inspired from the history of personal endeavor (check the below picture) which was in turn originally inspired by the significance of fall.

Which illustration best represents revisitation of history if not a replication beadwork 😀😀😀 that took it's cue from a beaded jewelry that was inspired by the significance of autumn: a season that illustrates the significance of letting go. Autumn reminds us the Constance of Change; the mystery embedded in each new day; the sanctity of life; seeking comfort in nature; the concept of balance (Libra): the balance of light and dark. Letting go and letting God; The transient nature of life and the impermanence of things.etc

When history comes visiting next time, (in my naughty girl voice),  "make sure it's outcome is more glamorized, rich, fleshy, fruity, and vegetably enticing like my latest endeavor ."😀😀😀 History definitely repeats itself but we are also definitely schooling on how best to entertain it.